In writing about Life in the Spirit I find myself talking about theological stuff. Like who God is and how we describe Him matters! The ability to say who you believe He is has everything to do with how you deal with and think about how he acts.
My Dad was a pastor and at the end of his life a dedicated theologian. In the last years of his life after my Mom had passed on at our encouragement, he started writing a book about His life and his search for understanding about the theological concept of The Trinity. I have read it a number of times. Each time something new strikes me.
This time I was struck by the importance of how we define things.
At the junction of faith and recovery, the term fellowship can tell us a ton about the differences and similarities between faith traditions and recovery traditions.
This time I want to talk about the term fellowship.
My cousins may see this.
We share common experiences in the area of faith’
To us, the term fellowship means in recent years the human interactions of fellowship in churches. To me, fellowship was a term used in AA. I think we all have a vision of what fellowship means to us in various contexts.
I want to talk about my idea of the term and what it means to me.
My first real collision with this fellowship thing was AA. AA was the first place I found I felt I belonged. I belonged by what I was. I was one who struggled with alcohol and being human. We all knew we were not ‘all there and that was fine with me. Fellowship was my belonging. But something happened. I collided with Jesus and found Him. My loyalties shifted. I joined the Jesus Fellowship. I found a church and found a family and did the whole number. My family shifted to my new Jesus family. In the process I lost my AA family. This to this day I regret loss. Open mindedness in the brand of faith I found drawn to was not highly embraced. So I tried to belong like I did in AA. Here is the point of this Blog and the podcast to follow. The fundamentals are not at all the same.
It took me a few years to accept that population of AA and NA and all the other A’s were works in progress. And many cases they were real rudimentary. But this diversity was accepted as the price for fellowship. As they said progress and not perfection. But it was different in the church. The humbling aspect of recovery from addcition was missing in the church. In AA I could justify that indeed some were sicker than others. In the church I was blind to the fact of the sinfulness of believers. In the church many were sicker than others, but this was not ok. So in many cases the piety was a sunday suit to ibe worn, I knew I was not one of them. But I needed that feeling I got in AA. So I learned to pose. I was not interested in exposing my lack of compliance to all. I learned to walk the walk and talk the talk like everybody else. That was fellowship. In many areas of my life I was on target. I did have the goods. I did have spiritual gifts and used them. I gained some respect wich I guarded carefully. Some people I felt comfortable with, because we were about the same place and operated in the same way in the flow of the church. But I now realize I didn’t have that same feeling of identification. It was not ok to be sicker than others. It was not ok just to be in the herd. The comfort of being in fellowship eluded me. I could operate in the gifts. But I struggled to feel at one with them others. Raw human social skill was not in my interest or gifting. It was not ok to be a bit off and flawed. I was back in the social game of Junior high. Felloeship was different here in Church. Strange was ok in the AA. Strange was not ok in the church. But felt for some reason I had wandered from home and I couldn’t go back home. See the problem was Jesus himself had changed my whole life. I was fundamentally different. in this difference I did find fellowship in the church. We shared Jesus in varying degrees. But never did I find this gut level feeling that I am one of them. Except to identify the common effort to fit in. I was never really successful. I never was tribal. The church became very tribal. My bumper stickers did not match.
The sensitive and liberal bents of my Dad held in me. I am a mix breed. Maybe that is why I do a blog and podcast like I do. I am searching for home without tearing myself assunder. Fellowship is about home. I am a mixed breed. I am a sober drunk and I am believer in Jesus. And somehow that is OK!
Chucrchs should be fellowships and not tribes!
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