Recently I commented in a small group that I liked AA because it was ok to be different. AA tolerated different and even odd. I liked that because I always felt out of step. In the last years, I have realized there is a bit of the odd in me. I am most likely a bit on the spectrum. A bit autistic am I. Social stuff is hard for me. I can do it but it is tiring and I need away time. My AA friends just accepted Chuck being Chuck. This was a gift. I could be friends and not always be friendly. I think they call it grace. They used to say live and let live. It worked.
In recovery, you need grace for yourself and for the others you recover with. There are problems with this in recovery circles. You get people acting badly and it is complicated how to keep these people from ruining any goodwill the fellowship has built up. But there is an acceptance of the odd and complicated. AA was focused on staying sober.
When I migrated to the church I found wonderful stuff in Jesus, but there were social norms. Many norms made sense. Don’t be a scum bag. But the live and let live thing just wasn’t there. The wrong politics were tolerated, but not complemented. I was not used to the unspoken rules and the unspoken consequences. Certain people were tolerated, but not accepted. It took me 30 years to realize that neurotypical was the home language. Social skills mattered. I was not in AA Kansas anymore.
In secular recovery, everyone accepts everyone is broken in many places. Faith recovery you do not want the church to know you are one of those people. I am in some form on the spectrum. This unspoken rule thing is just impossible. I get explosively angry when I realize I don’t know the secret handshake.
Here is where churches strike out with recovery people. I brought some recovery people who were also Christian to a suburban evangelical church we had attended off and on for years. They were clean drug types who were also Hispanic. They never came back except to get money for their ministry. Obviously, there was a disconnect.
Some churches make a concerted effort to open themselves to the recovery community. People get saved and come to Jesus.
I have been in the church and Jesus for forty-plus years. I have seen marvelous moves of God trampled because those people were not welcome in our Sunday school with our kids.
Can we ever get over ourselves? When will it be ok to be different?
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